I never suspected that the deep pain in my uterus during sex would be connected to my urinary incontinence too. Let me clear, missionary feels great, doggy style is fun, but cowgirl, faceoff or reverse cowgirl might as well have been a stick verberating my insides.
Sex is supposed to be fun. It's supposed to be a way to switch off and forget about the problems in your life whilst you spend some time wrapped up and lost in someone else, the sensations and the pleasure. It's supposed to get you out of your own head for a while. But when you suffer from an anxiety disorder which has riddled every aspect of your life with worry and dread, getting out of your own head can be near enough impossible at times. This was the case for me for a very long time.
It's all in compassing. I can feel it everywhere in my head. From the smallest tooth to the hinge in my jaw, everything burns and aches and begs me to stop. My mouth screams at me to 'just use my hands' or better yet use my cunt. But I am determined. I will give my partner a blow job, and I will hurt for it. Goddamnit, I will hurt for it.
What feels like years ago, I announced to the world that I was going to stop masturbating because it was just too painful. Honestly, it's still painful, but I am masturbating again.
I started 2020 anxiety-ridden. I shut away my sexuality in a box and was in a constant state of panic. However, a few weeks ago, I evolved from being a ball of anxiety to fucking my partner every chance I got. It’s been one hell of a mindfuck, especially as it’s usually my physical health that gets in the way of sex.
Whilst suction base technology isn't new to me, this is my very first Womanizer sex toy! Like all sex toys that take me a little while to review, I’m not the biggest fan of the Womannizer Plus Size. First, the toy was 'chosen for me', and second whilst it is one of the more accessible toys I've tried, it has flaws.
If you told me five years ago that in 2020 I’d stop masturbating, and stop feeling like I had to masturbate, I would have laughed in your face. If you’d have told me three years ago that by stopping masturbating, I’d have more orgasms, I’d have spent an hour trying to work out the logic behind that. If you’d have told me a month ago that by stopping masturbating, I’d orgasm more, I still wouldn’t have believed you.
I have discovered a number of varied and interesting toys this year, and I WANT them. I lust after them. However, since I’m on a no buy/low buy year, there will be no sex shopping for me! So, instead of shopping I've written up a list of (nearly) all the sex goodies I'd love to purchase in 2020. It's my hope that you might discover something new from this list!
Even if I wanted to masturbate this week, there was no absolutely way it was going to happen. There’s been a heavy fog over me this past week, and we all know why that is. *heavy sigh* To combat the fog (different from my ‘normal’ exhaustion fog) I’ve been pushing back at it by keeping my body and mind busy – tidying, sorting, and organising, but it feels like this fog is going to surround me soon. I feel like I’m trying to outrun the inevitable.
I've had a bit of a revelation. So, let’s talk about my relationship with masturbation. I like orgasms. I really like them. However, because my body is complicated having an orgasm isn’t straightforward. Orgasms cause pain, exhaustion, and occasionally these effects that last for weeks. I really wish I was joking, but I’m not. Orgasming can truly fuck me up, and not in a fun way. My last masturbation sessions really drove that point home. Apart from the physical and energy level side of things, orgasms also take a lot of mental work.