I went to a sex blogging conference!

Hi, internet thing. So I’m going to vlog for the first time ever using a camera held in front of me with weak arms. This ought to go well. I’m going to Eroticon this weekend. And I keep saying week after week, the Gent (my partner) hears it all the time that I’m going to vlog or film or something for YouTube to start this YouTube thing and never do. So, yeah. Decided to just do this and see how it goes. And I’m really awkward in front of the camera when it’s not for work. You’d think considering my profession I’d get better at this, but, no, just …

So I’m drinking a Lemsip. I’m trying to hopefully, hopefully not get ill. My immune system is tragic. So … oh, look. A mess is what happens when I pack. I don’t pack neatly. I throw everything in the bag then hope for the best. Yes, I’m sick. Lemsip Max. I mean, I love them. Loved them for ages. Missing the honey though. This is dangerous. Vlogging is dangerous. I can talk for hours. Right. Yes. Going to finish packing. And we’ve got half an hour until we need to call the cab. I’m taking an electric wheelchair. It’s the first time. Well, the second time I’ll have been out in it, and we’re going to see how this goes. I have no clue how this goes – how this is going to go. So chin-chin.

Problem number one. Uber taxis that are accessible, where that ramps aren’t working.

(On the way to London Montage)

At the Hotel

So, I’m being held hostage by my boyfriend until I actually film something for this vlog. Save me. Uh, yeah, this is not awkward at all. We’re finally ready to go into the meet and greet. I mean, someone took ages getting ready. Off-camera (myself).

I’m not nervous. Not at all. No, not whatsoever. I’m completely cool and chill and about to fall over.

I made him go hide in the bathroom. Well, he volunteered when he saw how awkward I was getting. So it’s time for the meet and greet, and I am nervous. Very nervous. I’ve been procrastinating for an hour. That’s kind of how nervous I am. I got my cane, my red pin badge. Shameless plug. I am nervous because there’s a platform that apparently isn’t accessible. So we could technically dismantle the power chair, but I don’t know. And, yeah, it’s my first work-related thing for a year. Over a year. No, a year. Last time, it was last year’s Eroticon, and I’m just a whole bundle of nerves. So, we’ll see how it goes. Wish me luck? Okay. You can come back in now.

Day 1

Day one of the conference. I survived the meet and greet last night. I actually talked to people – wasn’t as bad as I was expecting, as always. However, lost my voice, losing my voice a little. As you might be able to tell from my now huskier sounding dulcet tones. Thanks to the whole ‘pain episode’. My voice, I screamed myself hoarse, and my voice has never recovered – well, hasn’t yet recovered. It’s been about two months. So, fingers crossed it will get better in time for my talk.

I’ve been quite nervous. I’m feeling sick also, but that’s more down to my body being forced to get up at 7 am, which it doesn’t do. It gets about 11 am, not 7. If it gets up earlier than, ya know, when it wants to wake up, then it goes, “haha, no, I’m going to give you nausea and feel horrible for a good couple of hours until it’s the time I wanted to wake up at.” But I got Diet Coke. I got ginger biscuits. My fingers are crossed that it goes well. And making last-minute alterations to my speech, and, yeah, I don’t know.

The Gent made me vlog again. I don’t know what’s going on. I have no clue. I’m nervous. I feel like I need to stop picking stuff up and just talking about it. I’m procrastinating. I’m kind of supposed to be at the venue already. So, I’m going to go and do that. And hopefully, the next time I check-in, it’ll be after the talk, and it will have gone well. Help me.

Day 1, Post Talk

Apparently, well I sent him to the bathroom, and apparently, he can’t hear anything. So I did the speech. It didn’t go terribly. People liked it. I only fumbled the first 20 minutes or so and then I remembered that I had written a speech and started reading the speech and getting the points that I wanted to get. And I’m very paranoid that the Gent can hear me, urm and I’m going to go out now.

Well, we’re going to go out just to find food. Because finding food out and about for me is difficult. It’s normally sushi. It’s probably going to be sushi. Salmon sushi and a bit of cucumber nigiri. And some salmon nigiri. You know, change it up. And then the meet and, not the meet and greet. That was last night. The Saturday Night Social, which will be interesting and is apparently it’s wheelchair-accessible, which would be good. Because I’ve got, Oh, I can’t really … wait. Look. Wait. Oh, I’m so good with cameras. Look. My doodad. It is dangerous. It’s like a PS joystick and I’ve never been good at those. You can imagine how it goes as motorized. But, yeah. I’ll tell you how this goes.

I’m probably knackered. I keep meaning to vlog when I’ve come back from something or when I’m going to something, but I’m either nauseous, like this morning or extremely tired like when I just go back and will be tonight. So probably see you tomorrow. Probably. For the last day of Eroticon. Over so quickly. So sad.

Driving the wheelchair around the hotel … badly.

Oh, crap. Whoa. I didn’t realize how fast it goes. This is where I lose the camera. That’s a bump.

(Going out for food montage.)

Post-Saturday Night Social

So a slight a confession. I have no alcohol tolerance. And the last two nights I have managed to drink wine. My body has managed to drink wine. And now I am tipsy. But I did the socializing thing, I went to the Saturday Night Social. It was jam-packed. We got there, and I kind of was planted by the sex toy sponsor of the social, and then we tried to move and it felt weird. And I got all weird looks, massive wheelchair, massive electric wheelchair.

And then we got planted by the – you know that bit where people come out of the bar with food and stuff, that little bit. So naturally, a lot of people kept on tripping over the wheelchair. And by my count, four or five people managed to knock my feet. My feet are the worst part of me. The part that needs to not be knocked, in my massive, massive, Ugg boots, and it happened.

Not tipsy, very tired. Oh, I checked in, I did. I said I wasn’t going to. Tipsy, but, yeah, I spoke to a lot of people some that I’d seen last year. Met some new people, talked a bunch, shared experiences, and I’m going to sleep forever and ever and ever and drink so much water and tomorrow’s Eroticon day two. And I can’t remember what I’m excited for. But I’m going to go asleep. And face plant face first on the bed, and I’d show you the bed, but they are are an obscene amount of sex toys on it. So, good night.

Day 2

(To my partner.) This is still weird with you in the room. (To camera.) I make him hide in the bathroom. Love you.

Day two. I am officially ill. My voice is officially sounding like I’m ill. I’ve drunk so many Lemsips, but it is the, technically the last day and the end of Eroticon, which is sad. But it feels like it’s been a week. So I’m going to go shortly in my clitoris necklace that I first saw thanks to Emmeline Peaches and my ‘Accessibility Matters’ jumper. Really should have worn this during my talk yesterday. Going to find some food and go to the conference. And naturally, it’s like going to be 12, but … no, no, only 11. My body just doesn’t work if I make it wake up. It grumbles. It groans, and it doesn’t function until this time anyways. So yeah. Going to finish up. Well, I’m going to finish watching the Gent pack. I’m just sitting here. And… uh, food then say hello and goodbye to a lot of people.

(Montage of the journey home.)

Back in Bed

This is my life now. I am back from Eroticon. I’m very tired. It’s snowing. Hence the red nose. It was rough. It was really rough. I might have been in the chair, I was in the chair from 11 today, and my legs have been down for 11 or so hours. I’ve not done that since June (last year). And they’re so swollen. I was spare you the mental image of how swollen they are. But they are up currently. We got back. My hips feel like glass again, which is a good sensation.

I got back. And was like, “Right. Let’s take my shoes off upstairs, when I’m in bed, I don’t have to do anything”, and I just have climbed in, and the Gent has brought me things. All on the side. I am warming up. I have a heat pack on my hips. I love heat packs. It’s an electric one. It’s my favourite. He’s going to get me all my drugs. My legal prescribed drugs, and, yeah, he’s going to feed me. And then I’m probably going to fall asleep. Going to watch some YouTube. Yeah. It was such a blur of a day. I know what’s gone on theoretically. I networked. I socialized. Fuck it if I can remember it.

It’s all gone. It’s all gone. So that’s technically the end of the Eroticon vlog, and I’m going to probably write a blog post about things that have inspired me over the weekend. But I’m going to probably end the vlog here. This is a pretty… I’ve got hair in my eye. This is a pretty good representation of the Eroticon path. But it’s been really great.

And I’m crashing so hard now, and I’m going to continue to crash for probably a week or so. I’ll be feeling it for a good two weeks. Everything hurts. I can’t name a part of me that doesn’t hurt at the moment. Some smart ass is going to name apart, and I’m probably going be like, “Nope. That hurts too.” But, yeah. Thank you for watching. Oh, yeah. You know, going to be this YouTuber thing now. Thank you for watching. If you liked the video, give it a thumbs up and subscribe. A bit hilarious. I’m very tired. I look so stylish. I’m very delirious. I’m going to try and make more videos on the –  God that’s gone bright, on this channel. Hopefully. Yeah, I will see you when I see you. Be sure to follow me on social media where I am most definitely more active, but thanks for watching. *blows kiss*