Guides,  Sex & Disability

How to give a handjob with costochondritis.

How to give a handjob with .

Disclaimer: I am not a doctor, if you experience any chest pain, please get it checked out asap! It’s better to get it checked out than not. Even knowing I have costochondritis, I still have to go and get my chest pain chest out during really bad flares.

Costochondritis is an inflammation of the cartilage between the ribs that connects the ribs to the breastbone and all around the rib cage. Because of this, the chest can feel very tender to the touch. Sometimes, costochondritis can cause shooting pain down your arms, sometimes it’s a dull ache. The pain is so bad that it can mimic the pain from a heart attack. If you have swelling as well as all the pain, that’s called Tietze syndrome. For more information, click here.

Basically, it sucks.

Personally, my costochondritis primarily affects my sternum and the sides of my rib cage, with some interference from my back (lots of muscle spasms), though I have some spine issues too. Big shout out to my floating ribs when they hurt because it is an experience. Though I’ve been knowingly living with it for 4 years, I’ve probably had it for many years undiagnosed. Though, over the years I have had to learn and adapt to live with costochondritis.

My costochondritis has put me in the hospital. However, I’m unsure if it’s what’s causing my most recent flares that feel like my ribs are popping out of place. I’m still under investigation. Either way, when I go out I carry heat packs with me, and when I used to wear one, there were even times where I had to whip off my bra in public because the pain was just too much. It started off quite gradually for me with just the odd pain, but now I’m in pain from it 24/7 with occasional flareups.

But, what has this got to do with ?

I first wrote a post on blowjobs because I couldn’t find any advice on how to give on with TMD, and similar with costochondritis. Giving a handjob with costochondritis is sometimes hell, but I want to do it.

You’ll see a common theme pop up on posts about doing x with y, and it makes sense as to why. There are maybe a handful of area-specific tips or positional changes, but for the most part communication, lube, finding the right sex toys for you and your partner, and using all the tools you have at your disposal will go a long way to making sex and sex acts easier for you and your partner.

Though a lot of points will feel similar, I will keep writing these posts to bring awareness because sometimes it’s easy to forget a tip in the heat of the moment or just because you’ve fallen out of the habit.

This is a post primarily aimed at giving other people a handjob – no matter their genitals, I will be writing a post about tips and tricks I’ve picked up during solo masturbation if you’ve got costochondritis soon. If you have any tips you would like to be included in the list (and you will be credited) please let me know by contacting me!

Just like last time, the idea for this post came to me when my chest was flaring, but I wanted to give my partner an orgasm. Unfortunately, my partner wasn’t blindfolded this time so I couldn’t sneakily grab my phone and write down my ideas – I had to keep repeating in my head whilst I was jerking him off.

Use all the toys at your disposal.

It is of the utmost importance that you use everything at your disposal when you find your body is limited somehow. I am a massive fan of using toys to help orgasms and masturbation and handjobs are no exception.

Currently, my favourite toy for my partner is the Satisfyer For Men* it was given to me by Satisfyer in one of the huge PR boxes, and it’s the one toy I’ve consistently used out of the box. I particularly like the heat function though I don’t personally know how it feels. I don’t feel the vibration stronger through the toy which is important if you have wrist and sensation issues, and if you use rope ties or even underwear with a thick band, you can do it completely hands-free on your part. Another great toy for penises is the Hot Octopus pulse line of toys.

Lube is your friend.

It wouldn’t be a list of some sort without lube on here. Lube can help ease friction between surfaces, which allows you to move easier with less force. Personally, I found lube great because, with my various disorders, my hands get very sensitive and hot, and lube reduces the effort and head from friction.

Bonus: if your hands run hot, you can also use ice cubes to incorporate sensation play and use the opportunity to cool your hands down.

Communication is key.

As I’ve mentioned, lube and communication will feature on all my lists because if you want to engage in any sexual activity, lube and communication (in my book) are essential for a great experience.

In regards to costochondritis, if you move your hands it usually means your chest wall will hurt.  Communication can help open up the conversation and decide whether or not hands or sex toys would be best used in the situation.

Unlike when I’m giving a blowjob, I usually try to fight through the costochondritis pain because it’s a lot easier to hide it. Honestly, when I’m really horny, I just want to see my partner to orgasm. However, this isn’t helpful for anyone. So if open up and tell my partner what going on they can take over and if I feel up to it I can lend a hand just before orgasm or we find another way to make them cum.

Make sure you’re using all your available tools.

I’m not just talking about sex toys, I’m talking about pillows behind your back to prop you up, so you’re not reaching over too much. I’m talking about taking your pills or even breakthrough meds – just in case you forgot to take your daily pills (guilty as charged), and I’m talking about positioning your body so you put the least amount of strain on your muscles. It will take trial and error to know should be in your toolbox, but it will come together in time.

Figure out what works best for you.

Speaking of positions, costochondritis is a bitch for positioning which means everyone will have different triggers for pain flares and certain positions that will make them feel exponentially worse. Some might find it worse if they lie on their back and some worse in their front. It’s different for everyone. It’s all about actively noticing what brings you the least amount of pain possible – because if you’re in a flare, most movement will be painful. If might even be handy to write down which positions hurt the least.

It’s also a good excuse to tie someone up and try out various masturbatory positions.

Change your habits.

There is a full post coming on daily habits and costochondritis, but it might be that the sexy bra you brought a year ago now actively harms you, or wearing it during sex means pain. Sexy clothing and lingerie aren’t inherently meant to be comfortable, and through my night job, I’ve found very few pieces that don’t flare my costochondritis. Even day-to-day dresses have to be extremely soft without any elastic around the chest to prevent pain.

Planning beforehand and acknowledging your triggers, though it really does suck when it’s something like a bra, bralette, or dress you look good in, is in a way preparation for handjobs and sex in general. Wearing clothing that doesn’t actively harm you will hopefully mean that you’ll be able to reduce your pain levels during sexual activities.

Of course, sometimes your body is just going to do what it wants no matter what you do.

Sexy heat packs?

Oh yeah. Picture this, I have given a handjob whilst strapped into a full back, mains powdered peacock green heat pack. I have also masturbated while strapped into a microwave heat pack. And most memorably, I have walked around the house whilst wearing a hot water bottle like a turtle wears a shell.

I love heat packs. I find they help over any cold-based therapy – for my upper half. So, instead of waiting until after the handjob, I prefer to pop a heat pack on my chest and give a handjob!

Now, this might be a little jarring in new relationships (depending on your personal heat pack choice), but my partner knows that I’m pretty stubborn and if a heat pack means I can give a handjob he has to make sure he doesn’t get cum on it.

Bottom line, if it helps you, use it – just watch out for cables!

If you’re a dominant, make it a game.

I’ve briefly mentioned making your partner get themselves to the edge and then taking over yourself in past posts, but if you have dominant inclinations you can turn masturbation into a game.

For example, you could tell your partner that you’re not going to touch them unless they edge 5 times, you could tell them that they need to jerk themselves off whilst you keep your hand still – may be in the classic handjob fist position or just by laying your hand on top of their frenulum or clit. You could also hold a toy for them to jerk into/rub themselves against. The possibilities are endless!

Never be ashamed to include your disability as part of the play. I find asking my partner to do domestic tasks for me when I’m in dominant mode (for example, getting my meds and feeding them to me, helping me into sexy clothes, positioning the fan in the correct place first time or else there will be spanks etc.) can be really quite hot.

Find new ways to stimulate.

You might think this is cheating because we’re going hands-free, but using and heightening the other senses can enhance the sensations of a handjob. I’ve also found this can make people orgasm faster too.

The first way to enhance the senses is with a blindfold because removing all visual stimulation doesn’t let them know what’s coming next. You can use this to your advantage with soft caresses and random feather-light touches as they’ll have a more stimulating effect with the blindfold on.

Likewise, if your fingers can handle it, playing with the perineum and even the anus can really ramp things up. Though it would be remiss of me to not include the fact that the anus is typically pretty darn hot and if your hands have a heat-sensitive disorder it can get quite uncomfortable. Also, a finger up into the anus and a hand on the genitals is quite an awkward position to hold for a long time due to the lack of easy movement, and the anal muscles are very strong when clenching which could cause some amount of discomfort or even dislocation.

As with everything, use lots of lube, keep communicating with your partner as to what feels good and experiment, however, you might find that lube, communication and a wondering hand can work even better with a blindfold.

Change your routines and be mindful of what you do in a day.

Just like changing your clothing to help your body, being mindful of your activities leading up to sex – I know not the easiest, can make a massive impact.

If you’ve had a hard day of manual labour or you’re tidying up and continually active throughout the day, you’re going to find it a lot harder to give a handjob or use your chest muscles as they’re going to be exhausted and inflamed. Utilising all the tips above and pacing yourself is vital.

However, if you’ve ended up with a full day then it’s possible the best thing for everyone would be to wait until tomorrow or the weekend and give it another shot then. There’s no shame in delaying stimulation until you can both fully enjoy it, the above are just some new tools for your toolbox.

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I know these tips can sound like a lot to take in and it can be very overwhelming to read, but the above is stuff I’ve learnt over the past couple of years. If I’m being honest, the tips above are tips I’m still not very good at remembering myself – I routinely ignore (and forget) my own advice. However, I wanted to put this list out there just in case you find something that helps.

Most of you might wonder why on earth you’d push yourself to give your partner pleasure when you’re in pain, I know because I’ve seen the comments, but being in pain 24/7 means you have to pick and choose your moments, and sometimes you just want to give your partner an orgasm with your hand gosh darn it!

I know that there are so many conditions that can affect sex and just like my post on TMD with blowjobs, costochondritis can have a massive impact on handjobs – both your enjoyment of them and your pain levels.

PS Instead of creating part 2 or part 3, I will periodically update this post with more tips and tricks!

*I very much have a problem with the gendering of toys, but unfortunately that’s the name of the toy


  • Self-professed 'Professional (Disabled) Internet Human' Ruby Rousson runs Arousibility, The Ruby Umbrella and a number of other sites that all aim to help disabled and chronically ill people in some way shape or form. Twitter and Instagram: @MissRubyRousson

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