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I told my physiotherapist I wanted to have sex. [Video Transcript]

I told my physiotherapist I wanted to have sex!


A post where I realise just how much I ramble. 

Hi. I’m Ruby, and I told my physiotherapist that I wanted to have physiotherapy to improve my sex life.

So, it’s slightly click bait, but I did have physiotherapy this week. I’ve had two sessions now, with an NHS physiotherapist. I had a few with a prior physiotherapist, but they were odd and too intrusive, and very judgy. You find when you’re chronically ill, and you start going to places to “get better” people become their own authority over you.

The first session was 45 minutes of, “Oh yes, mmhmm, yes,” a lot of fast words, and I have some hearing loss in my lower tone, so I find low toned voices very difficult. And, he was just throwing everything at me and wasn’t letting me take anything in. The second session, he decided, and had a chat with his supervisor, and that my conditions, some of them – fibromyalgia, IBS, other things, undiagnosed, feet issues, CRPS potentially, who knows, were probably the cause of an emotional thing, and spent 10 minutes interrogating me on therapy.

And ,what I’m doing in therapy, and more specifically, what I’m covering in therapy, and how does that make me feel. It was – even my therapist was like, “No, bad, very bad.” So, anyway, I have gone with an NHS physiotherapist, which I never thought I would say. Let’s bring it back to the point. The first session, he told me he wanted me to think of some smart goals. Here is the smart NHS acronym:

  • Specific
  • Measurable
  • Achievable
  • Relevant
  • Time-bound

My therapist also thinks they’re an utter ball of crap, but I played by the NHS rules a lot, so they treat me and take me seriously. Oh boy, I want them to take me seriously.

I played by these rules and I go, “Yes, I will do this thing,” but he wanted me to think of goals. In January, all I was saying to anyone that would listen (mainly nurses) once I was drugged up – I was saying that I essentially wanted – my main goals when I was in this horrific thing, was that I wanted to get better, so I could do some work, which I’m doing, potter around the house, which I’m doing, and have sex, which I am doing. But my body has deconditioned too much.

This is the problem. I cannot go on top. I, a dominant female cannot fuck my own boyfriend, properly without too much pain, or painkillers or great difficulty. It’s everything from the cocking my leg over to just riding, I can’t ride him. It’s really difficult. I have very limited muscle in this bit (thigh), it’s really tight, and I’m not surprised, but it’s a problem.

So, he asked me, as you know they do, “What are your goals?”

Me: “So, um, well um, I want to … um s-sex.”

It wasn’t the most straightforward answer, ever given, but on paper it sounds great. I’m going to tell my physiotherapist, sex is my goal! In actuality, a lot more intimidating, but I did it. It was a fumbled conversation, and yes, he totally blushed. It was weird, I think for him. I don’t know if he’s had a client who is that straightforward because his response was, “Oh, urm okay.” Then going to the specifics, me being on top, and me doing the upperty down movements. Yes, I’m 24. No, 25 – upperty down movements. It was interesting.

He is like, “So you have another goal?” “Walking, I guess.” I mean, I walk. I do more walking now, but I fall over. I look like I’m drunk. I don’t mean to, but I have no balance, and the tips of my toes are numb, my toes are technically numb. I walk, and then I fall. It’s quite something. I told him, about the walking. He then gave me exercises for walking. He is like, “I will see about core exercises for the other goal.”

It was kind of humiliating but totally worth it. You know why? Because at last, we tell them, and it is one of annoying things where disability comes down to personal advocacy because the system is not going to change unless patients, unfortunately, demand it. You have to be upfront about your sexual needs, and that really sucks, because you don’t want to have that conversation. They’re human too, they have sex. Just because I’m a chronically ill female does not mean that now my sex drive has suddenly gone poof. It means it’s just waiting. It’s just waiting, ready to pounce on an unsuspecting partner, when he comes back from work, hopefully soon.

I told him, I told my physiotherapist I wanted to have sex with my partner, who is sitting there on his phone the entire time looking awkward as, “Yes. Yes. Yes” and I did kind of do the whole, “It’s okay. It’s okay,” and patted him a few times. It got a bit embarrassing.

I will talk a lot in the future about how the medical model, how you like, does not listen to disabled people’s needs when it comes to their sex life. You look at medication. I was on amitriptyline and gabapentin, both of which lowered my sex drive. I am still recovering from both those medications, and my sex drive is still recovering. I used to be able to cum a lot. I used to orgasm so much. Now, I really have to work. It is a workout. So sex is the perfect thing to achieve during physiotherapy, a goal of sex. A goal of doing sex and the bouncy-bouncy on top of my partner. I’m mature.

We have to be advocates. It really sucks, it really sucks. If you’re chronically and you’ve have been for some time, you already know this. I’m more talking to the mass now. If you’re not chronically ill, your sex life has been okay, you’ve never had to have the conversation with the doctor about sex being a goal. You need to be more open-minded because if a chronically ill person says to you, “What’s your what– What’s your goal when you’re getting better?” “Sex. Sex is my goal, god damn it.” That’s how I was in January, and my parents were shocked and appalled and told me to stop telling the nurses that. I refused. God damn it, I refused. I was in the hospital for 13 days. There’s no orgasms during that time, though I tried. Not just because that was too much effort.

I tried to convince my partner when he was trying to give me a shower or when we’re talking about showers. I tried. I failed, but I tried and that’s what counts. You have to listen to whomever you’re around because sometimes, the doctors might not listen to them, particularly if you’re advocating for someone you know about sex, disability and how their condition affects them. Say for arthritis as example, a very, very common condition, autoimmune condition, you might be with your partner advocating for them because you find sex difficult.

The fact that physiotherapists seem to have walking and doing day-to-day tasks as the main focus is appalling because as far as I’m concerned, if they’re having sex, then I should be able to have sex. My sex drive doesn’t disappear because I’ve suddenly become disabled even though I’ve been disabled since 12-ish. I’ve always had that sex drive. I’ve grown up being disabled and finding out my sexuality, my sex drive, finding out what sexual positions I’ve liked. Just because I’m disabled does not mean I stopped liking these things. It means that I get more frustrated because people don’t seem to believe I have a sex drive, and I do. Put aside my job for a moment, that helped. It’s fun. Put aside that.

Even if I didn’t have that job, which a lot of people do not, it doesn’t attract from the fact that I can be sexual. Companies make lingerie with all these fitty little straps and I should know, I just bought a bunch of it. I never learn, full videos coming soon it’s an evil necessity. Again, that’s a side thing. Companies produce lingerie with able-bodied people in mind. Companies produce sex toys with able-bodied people in their mind. It’s only after the fact, it’s like, “Oh, this could be good for people with disabilities as well.” No one’s really looking at lingerie yet, so I have decided to take on something else.

If we can make things a little easier, then surely, it can become more in the popular knowledge, and it can become more mainstream. If it becomes more mainstream, sex and disability and everything, then it’s better for everyone because there’s a very good chance – I’m sorry to slightly depress you, that at some point in your life you might become either temporarily or chronically disabled, permanently disabled. It can happen at any time in your life, and 60 onwards, you’re more likely to get some of these conditions like arthritis. (If it’s not in your genetics for three generations, and you’re just bound to get it also. I have appalling genetics.) Why don’t we start improving the “sex revolution” when it comes to disabled people to help ourselves if we’re not able-bodied in the future?

Because if my physiotherapist doesn’t really know what to say when I tell him that I want to improve my muscles so I could have sex. He pushes that off unto the goal of, “Well, walking …” when I’ve been walking and having that as a goal for four weeks. “No, I want sex,” and he’s a more open-minded person, what is everyone else going to do? If you are of the persuasion where you’re like, “Yes. Well, fine, whatever.” If you became disabled and you wanted to have sex, you wanted to continue masturbating and suddenly no one was thinking about your sexual needs, do it for yourself or do yourself. One or the other.

I told my physiotherapist and now he’s going to go away and think of some exercises and come back and tell me what I can do to increase my sexual prowess. I did it though. I was going to film this video a couple weeks ago when I went to physio for the first time, but then, all of life stuff happened, but I’m back and I’m filming videos. I’m going to film another one about doctors. There’s a theme tonight, apparently. Thank you for watching.

If you like this and if you like the message of this that we should all be thinking of the sexuality and doctors and not in that fantasy category, but in the sense that we need to advocate for in sexuality, even though we shouldn’t have to to make doctors think about it because they won’t, like up this video. Ask a question. If you want to ask a question on the topic, I’m pretty open to answering most questions, within reason, and subscribe. I am currently making new videos as often as I can make them.

See you next time.

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