Moving House to Improve My Sex Life!
So, in approximately less than a month, I will be in a new place which is absolutely terrifying – bone-chillingly terrifying. Exciting, very exciting. There’s a lot to do in terms of buying and packing everything else, but absolutely terrifying. However, the thing I am most excited about is that my sex life is going to improve. I know this, I know this without a single doubt in my mind because my house isn’t accessible. So, everything is an improvement.
It’s also interesting … I’m going to go with interesting. So, the house I’m in now is an old house. It’s a house that has a lot of windows that I hate that are not double glazed. (So many ladybugs in the bedroom right now, it’s very weird – they’re perving on us during sex.) It’s very drafty and has very steep stairs, completely inaccessible and just a money pit. Thankfully, we’re just renting, so it’s not our fault if anything breaks … right?
But, the house we’re in now has no space for spontaneous sex. The previous place I was in, a lot of spontaneous sex happened in places where it really shouldn’t have happened, like the bathtub. The edge of the bathtub which then ended up being on the floor in the bathroom which then, by mutual agreement, the Gent (my partner) and I decided that it was working, shall we go to the bedroom. Unsurprisingly, it worked a lot better there.
But, in the previous place had a lot of room to have spontaneous sex. Now granted that the previous place I was a bit more functioning in terms of being a human being, walking around, could even wear high heels occasionally. Woohoo! Nowadays, not so much, not so much. It has been on my mind a lot that this house has kind of been a terrible move for my sex life.
The bedroom is upstairs and I can go upstairs once in a day, occasionally twice if I’m pushing it and usually those times it’s for sex or to find important documents so the Gent doesn’t shred them when he gets frustrated. It’s purely by necessity that I go upstairs. It’s usually when the Gent has instigated (sex) because we both know that couch-sex, as much as we love it, it’s not going to happen anymore. Until I can fix my … well ‘fix’ strengthen my leg muscles and my core, it’s just not happening. It’s also really ungraceful, and it doesn’t feel that sexy.
I’ve always been in flats, so this was never a problem and granted, it’s just a problem in the past year and a bit, but it has really opened my eyes, shall we say. This new place though, completely accessible. To get to the lounge, to the bedroom, to everywhere else – we can have sex everywhere! We can even have kitchen countertop sex again, which I’m so excited about. We might even be able to have an island sometime soon. I’ve always wanted an island, not for the practicality of having an island in the kitchen to create more space, I guess, but to have sex on it. To have glorious wild kitchen sex on that island. That’s the only reason why I mentioned the kitchen occasionally. Again, the only input I will have on our new place is, can we have sex on it? Hmm. That’s been our couch process, well it’s been my couch process. My couch process has essentially been, is this going to be fun to have sex on? Can we have sex on it? Can we lie down and have sex on it? My second important thing has been can I sit on this for approximately 10 hours during the day and be okay with it? So, those are my two couch requirements, pretty important I think.
This flat – we can just go to the bedroom to have sex. We can’t go to the bedroom to have sex here. If I’m downstairs, I am downstairs and I am not going upstairs … for most reasons, very rarely sex, but it’s never an easy thing. We know if I’m downstairs, then sex isn’t going to really happen if it’s in the morning. It’s either we wake up, my partner comes upstairs, we have sex, or we wake up the next day then the Gent comes upstairs and we have sex. There’s no spontaneous sex because of our housing arrangement, but this new place – it’s on one level. I can go next door and have sex. We can go to the bedroom and have kinky sex. I can access my sex toys. I can masturbate during the day.
I can masturbate during the day, but I’m a little scarred from the last I did it. The last time I masturbated during the day was when I was reviewing the Blush Novelties Nocturnal Exposed and the Avant Pride P1. You think I’d know this, I just finished the reviews, and then we ended up having to call an ambulance a few hours later.
Now, I’m not saying my masturbation habits caused an ambulance to arrive. However, I was in a very awkward position when I was masturbating due to our tiny horrible couch. I’m pretty sure I set off a muscle spasm that affected my costochondritis. That meant that we had to call an ambulance. So, essentially, my masturbation habits ended up in an ambulance visit. That was not fun. But this is what I mean, things like this, just the practicality of having sex in a house for a disabled person, it’s not really there. It’s not easy if it does happen and it’s fraught with complications.
We tried having sex on the floor downstairs and that did not go well. That was what inspired my ‘sometimes sex hurts‘ post and I’ll link that down below because that was just a very unfortunate mix of things. Then to make matters worse, my body decided, no, my knees are hurting now, so nothing’s going to happen. I can’t get up, I’m just going to lie on the floor and hurt more. All this is to say, I know I’m running around in circles, but I’m trying to do this YouTube thing again.
All this is to say, moving is going to drastically improve my sex life and I can’t wait for it. It’s one of those situations where I’ve wanted to move for a while and my health is been a major push for us moving because I’m not independent. I’m really not independent here and I will have some more independence when I move and I honestly can’t wait for that. I can’t wait to potentially shower myself again – that’s what independence means to me.
But I also can’t wait to be independent sexually because, like I said, I can’t masturbate on the couch. (I’m slightly traumatized from the ambulance visit.) I can’t go back upstairs to masturbate and bash one out. Everything has to be done in the morning which … I need to pee and our bathroom’s downstairs, so I have to come downstairs in the morning and it’s just not fun. But I’m really excited for this new step. I’m absolutely terrified, but I’m really excited for this new step to improve our sex life … because that’s the entire reason we’re getting a place; to improve our sex life.
Because in my mind, if you have accessibility in everything you need to be a functioning human being, you’re going to have a better sex life. Those two correlate brilliantly. I mean, the body comes into it as well, but if you have a bed that’s accessible that you can get onto it, that you can get to to have sex, better sex life. Hopefully, that’s what I’m going to have soon, and I honestly can’t wait.
These were a lot of rambled thoughts and a lot of merry go rounds, but I think it’s important to have these types of conversations because it was not something I’d considered when moving into a two-story house. If my health were to decline, then my sex life would decline. It didn’t even enter into my brain because we were fine. My health was not the best, but not awful and now our sex life is literally determined by stairs.
If your life is kind of the same as mine where your sex life is kind of determined by in the morning – that’s your chance to have sex, and maybe late at night, but let’s all face it not really because you’re going to be really exhausted from just existing during the day. Then for one, that’s okay, have sex when you are able to have sex. If you’re a horn monster like me there are ways you can try to have sex.
I will hopefully go into these topics either on this YouTube channel, see you later!