Video Transcripts,  YouTube

Why am I bleeding? [Video Transcript]

Why am I bleeding?

[ Transcript]

Hi, I am a blogger, freelance writer. Altogether, just dabbling in a bit of everything at the moment. I was going to do another first look because I quite enjoyed that. It was fun to look at a toy for the first time with you. To be honest, I am going on to do that because I’ve got 3 toys sitting there and I could just bash them out.

However, I’ve just been to the loo and there was blood. Now, as a woman, that was really not unusual. For someone with a uterus, that’s really not unusual. There is blood, usually every month or every month and a bit. But I am according to Clue, 12 days into my cycle, which is unusual for me, and it’s terrifying.

I don’t know why my body’s doing that. I am going to go and get my body checked out. It’s due a uterus check-up anyway. But generally, my body bleeds when it wants to. Then, it will go on to have a host of hormonal symptoms. Also, I’ve been having some rather odd symptoms for my body in the past couple of days. The first thing I got when I went to the doctor’s the other day was – usually a pregnancy test. As someone who doesn’t want children, that is terrifying to hear: the idea that I could be pregnant. I am careful. I use condoms only. I am thinking about going back on hormonal birth control. It’s something I need to discuss with my doctor. My body is very temperamental. If you didn’t know, I have a number of chronic health issues that make me seemingly very susceptible to hormones. Even my own fluctuation of my cycle can impact my health. So, I’m very careful when I put anything into my body or having an injection, hormonal injection for birth control, the implant. And I get migraines. So my options are limited as it is, but that’s not about that. That will be another entirely.

But the blood just shook me. It wasn’t a lot, but I’ve never had that before. I’ve been off birth control for a little over two years, two and a half years, I think. This is the first time it’s happened. Now, my cycle’s never really been the most consistent thing on earth. I once had a of two, three months, four months … two to four months when I didn’t have a period. That was when my body was under great stress. That was kind of expected around then, but I’m not as stressed nowadays.

My body influences my period. My influences my body, certainly. But it was terrifying. Naturally, first off, share it with the internet! But also, why not? Because I’m not the only one this happens to. I know I’m not the only person that gets told to do a pregnancy test or is a little late for their period and then does 9 pregnancy tests. That was me yesterday. 9 pregnancy tests. From two different times peeing, just doing all these strips. You can buy them on Amazon. They’re really cheap. Don’t let people fool you into buying these really fancy electronic ones, unless you need it for accessibility. There’s really no other no reason for them. You just get a bunch of 10 dipsticks and it gives you two lines if you’re pregnant, one line if you not. Perfect, that’s all I need.

Thankfully, there was just the one line. All I needed, just the one line. But I’m going to do another one tomorrow. Or probably more than one because I never take one test as a “Yes, you are not pregnant”.

I am in unknown territory with my body and it happens a lot to be honest. My body is such that something else will happen. It’s like, “Do we go to A&E for this? How on the scale of like disturbing body symptoms? Where are we?” Half the time we don’t go to A&E. It’s only a little bit of time where it’s like, “I can’t think straight. I can’t advocate for myself.” That we do. I mean, it’s beside the point.

It’s scary when your body does something that you don’t understand why it’s doing it. I’m scared and I can admit that. But my feeling of being scared comes with the knowledge that my body isn’t, well, it doesn’t really run at its best, let us say. We know that I might potentially have endometriosis. We know that I might potentially have a whole host of other medical issues. But when it comes to my uterus, when it comes to my reproductive system, it gets pushed by the wayside.

I’ve told so many doctors that’s because of my or that my symptoms fluctuate in line with my cycle. But, they just shrug it off. I guess my main reason for sitting down and just talking to the camera is that, like I said, I’m not the only person that’s had this. I’m not the only person that’s gone to the loo, and just before mid-cycle, I’m not even mid-cycle, but then like, ‘there is blood’. I’m not starting another period, am I? Because no, then why am I bleeding?

I’m fairly knowledgeable about the reasons why I could bleed and pretty sure to my knowledge, none of them are happening. So it’s scary and it’s allowed to be scary. People think sometimes that we know our bodies and we do, but we also sometimes, really do not know our bodies. Our bodies do whatever they want to do, and that’s fine because that’s when we go to the medical professionals, and we keep going if they don’t pay attention to us. But we go to them or we Google like I’ll be doing tonight at 2:00 A.M when I can’t sleep.

This is a jumble. I know that this is a jumble, but what I’m saying is that shit happens. Shit happens and you can be scared and still get on with stuff. You can be scared and have to carry on. You can have a bazillion and one chronic illness, think you know your body, and then it will throw you for a loop. Your body can demand your attention in the most surprising of ways.

My feet, as some of you know, don’t work they really should. They go hot. I think I have erythromelalgia. I probably pronounced that wrong. That’s been my main focus for the past two years, but now my body, different areas of my body is like, “Well, it’s our turn. It’s our turn to play up. Why aren’t you paying attention to us?” And that’s scary. Saying that, and some as someone with multiple chronic illnesses, that’s scary that my body just does these things and I’ve got no clue why.

I can make assumptions. I can think, I can be like, “Oh, well you’re checking me out for this, this and this and on medication, but the doesn’t cause this” and you run through so many reasons why. But, the body is so unpredictable – you think about it.

The body is supposed to work in this perfect harmony and there are so many things that can go wrong. I mean, I lucked out and a lot of things do go wrong. But when you think about the body, it’s fascinating and terrifying. This isn’t meant to terrify you. This is just meant as a sometimes bodies do shit that you don’t know what’s going on and you can be scared. I’m talking out loud. I’m processing it out loud, I’m not going to lie because my body is scary.

But I will stop filming this. Then, I will do 3 first reviews of toys. I might film a few more clips because I’ve got makeup on and God damn it, I’m going to use it. It’s 10:32 at night and I’ll go to bed. Then, I’ll wait for a doctor’s appointment. Probably, I have to show someone else my vagina and go from there. Because in these situations, sometimes it’s everything you can do. Keep calm and carry on is a cheesy poster saying but it’s also my life in a nutshell.

It’s okay not to be calm sometimes, but for my mental sanity, I’m going to have to live by that one. So if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go look at some because that’s just what the doctor ordered.

  • Self-professed 'Professional (Disabled) Internet Human' Ruby Rousson runs Arousibility, The Ruby Umbrella and a number of other sites that all aim to help disabled and chronically ill people in some way shape or form. Twitter and Instagram: @MissRubyRousson

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